Heading home from Chi-town Easter Monday, two hours to kill in O'Hare airport, bags a-juggling, iced skinny latte a-sipping (airports reduce me to Starbucks, the Midwest still hasn't adopted my D&D iced coffee fix), I get a strange text across my screen...
strangeboy:"Hey! How ya been?"
la belle:"Great. How are you?"
strangeboy:"Really good. I miss you. Where are you?"
Where am I? It's Easter. That means the Midwest. This must be a wrong number. You do not know of my holiday rituals.
la belle:"I'm sorry, but... Who is this?"
strangeboy: "La belle?"
la belle:"Yes..." (okay, obviously they know me, but... who's behind door #2, Monty?)
strangeboy:"It's Captain Cabinet."
la belle:"Oh! Disappearing Captain Cabinet! How are you? Where'd you go for the last (7) weeks when I wouldn't sleep with you after a handful of dates?"
Captain Cabinet proceeded to tell me he thought he'd be too kinky for me and was afraid. I scoffed. Not because I'm that open, no... because he was that vanilla. So I called him on it, and eventually he admitted he went with another option at the same time that would sleep with him.
I asked him why he was contacting me (I was bored, I had 2 hours in O'Hare during which to torture the poor bastard). Again with the missing me, and our conversations and how easy I was to talk to and that he wanted to take me out again. I of course, called bs. One doesn't disappear that long and truly pine for me. Eventually, he confessed.
It seems Captain Cabinet was pining for me. The open, accepting part of me that he thought would accept his desire to cross dress.
And you know? I might. If I loved the guy, and my needs were being met, and he didn't disappear for 7 weeks because... kink can be good. But I'm not into being thrown aside. And I reminded him of that.
Amazed at how nonchalant I was over the prevailing preference to pose in panties, Captain Cabinet continued to wax poetic about my coolness., "Most girls would be freaking out." I reminded him that as we weren't dating... there was nothing to get upset about.
So... he took it to the next level. After 36 years of silence, he decided to come out to me, with his violent, being raped by a man fantasy. And he asked me to watch.
I'm open, but not like that.
Not wanting to give the guy a complex (that's a long time to bottle things up inside...) I gently declined.
My reward? I get the occasional text or email describing his fantasy about playing dress-up with me and having me don a strap-on. Awesome. I've been gently encouraging him towards craigslist and condoms. And telling the girl he chose over me (and is still with) about his needs.
Bonus? I've learned how to set boundaries. Captain Cabinet knows that fantasy texts get no response while genuine advice seeking ones do.
Now, if I could just find a man who fantasized about only me....
In all seriousness, there is a sobering post script to that. I enjoyed Captain Cabinet while we dated. He was sweet, seemed pretty average Joe, stable and fun. The kink doesn't concern me. The fact that I've since discovered he's been IM'ing a homosexual couple online re: his violent rape fantasies and acting them out all the while dating women who've no idea does. I could be that girl. Someday I could meet someone, grow to really care about them, and never know of the dual life they are pursuing and their innermost needs and thoughts as they find them too taboo to speak of. This dating thing is worrisome. And not as easy as it once was.
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