Jagged little pill of bitterness

Dating wisdoms I have learned the hardway:

If he calls you baby or babe continually on the first date, you are probably one of a string of women and he is safely choosing that moniker so as not to confuse names.

Naming your son Mike, John, Rob, Chris or George gives him a high likelihood of being, 40, single and trying to date me online.

Any man who goes from zero to constant attention is emotionally unstable. Yes, the devotion is flattering. No, you are not so amazing as to cause him to completely alter his normal dispositon. He is a stage 5 clinger. Back. Away. Slowly. Do not, I repeat *DO NOT* give him your digits.

Shall he proclaim you his BFF within two weeks of meeting, he will not eventually grow to like you despite the amount of effort or communication sent your way. Ignore the fact that you talk more than humanly possible in any given day. Or that he tells you how special and wonderful you are. How lucky he is to have you in his life. You are a surrogate emotional girlfriend for this needy bastard. As soon as he finds the woman he wants to better deal you for, he will tear out your heart, stomp on it to give it a good tenderizing, marinate it in your tears, grill it and pair it with some lovely fava beans for his continued amusement.

If he's late 30's or 40+ without ever being married or living with someone or his longest relationship is less than a year, he's never going to commit to you. His issues are too numerous. Yes, you too have issues (after all you're in this dating predicament as well), however, your issues are understandable. Perhaps even slightly amusing. Avoid the confirmed bachelor. He will only waste your pretty.

Men who primarily text are not tired from a long day of talking on the phone. They are juggling. If he can't get over his exhaustion for a 20 minute call but can text for hours on end, beware.

If he throws money at everything on your date he probably considers anything available to him for the right currency. Including your affection.