Saturday's rainy counterpanes brought plenty of time to reflect on my choices and what I should / shouldn't be vetting further vs. vetoing. It also brought a lot of soul searching on one topic in particular. Divorce.
Should I or shouldn't I dabble where another woman has gone before? No, I don't want the (40) year old virgin to come knocking. I've been one man's first and that time has long since past. We don't need to be hot for teacher. But do I want to be with someone (even in the beginning stages) whose already experienced most of the great joys of early coupledom with another?
The thought progression: This Charming Man is hot. I'd really like to kiss him, maybe more. There is a definite curiosity / chemistry there. How does that work with the kids? Does it always occur at my place? In a neutral place? Post bedtime? Quietly? With a locked door? Do they spend any time at his exes? Oh, his ex. Whoa. Wow.
What if we got married (yeah, I know this thought progression is incredibly early, potentially bordering on crazy, but read it through, it gets somewhere logical)? Would he be thinking about her when I walked down the aisle? How could he not be thinking of the last time someone walked down an aisle towards him? Isn't it like Deja Vu? Am I not allowed to have an actual wedding if I married a divorced man? Would his children be visibly upset that he was making a lifetime commitment to someone other than their mom? Would it be a lifetime commitment?
Oh god, what if we had kids? Would it be as special? Would it be anticlimatic? It's not like it could even be his first son vs. his first daughter, I'd have to have twins or triplets for it to be something unique and special.
He and I will never share a marriage milestone that is uniquely ours. Does that mean he'd be less excited than I was? Would it be blase?
A man with kids is a big responsibility / sticky situation. I can handle that. But can my natural tendency to overthink handle the thought progression that I may never be the singularly special thought in his head? Does any rational being think this way?
Upshot: Not sure leaning towards no. He'd need to be very special. And I'd need to know just how unique and incredible he thought I was.
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I've definitely considered this topic myself, about how does a man feel on the walk up to his second bride. I can only respond with how I'll be feeling. This feeling is grounded in actually knowing an institution and how hard it is, knowing yourself and what you want, and knowing the other person and that you want the things together. To sum up, my feeling when 2nd walk to the altar with my 2nd waiting for me will be one of total confidence that I am making the correct choice that will make me happy. Also, I'll be satisfied to know that I look better without a ballgown dress and bridesmaids will be choosing their own dresses.
ReplyDeleteFrank's non romantic note when I asked him what he was going to be thinking was a blank stare. Then he kissed my forehead and said its your day baby you can do what ever you want. He also wants you to know that "its a proven fact men don't care about wedding except for cake. Ooohhh ours has to come from Modern. and tell Patrice she can't wear brown because I hate that color. But I do like green. And she'd look pretty in that."